how do I spell postpartum psychosis???

.... I had my baby girl at 1:02 am on August the 15th 2006 .. she was 10 lbs 2 oz .. Yup, I just said 10 lbs.... lol... and I didn't really feel anything for her yet...I was just hoping to finally get some sleep.. only having about two hours of sleep I was told to go to the NICU to breastfeed my baby... I was like what? are you kidding me?? I was told I would feel emotional after the process so I thought nothing of it...crying in the shower, feeling alone, in a lot of pain.. and after all that I was told her arm was damaged at birth (now I know how they got her out)...she had nerve damage called brachial plexus. I was told she could regain movement with therapy or she might need surgery... ?? I wanted to crawl in my bed and never wake up!... I was feeling nothing for her and felt like I was going crazy... I'm going to fast forward a bit.... drove all the way home...and went straight to bed! Gilles took care of Kaydee the first few nights... I couldn't ..and every time I herd her cry I wanted to cry right along with her.... I went to see the doctor twice and was told to wait this could be just the baby blues... OK?? then I was sitting in my living room... Kaydee crying on my shoulder... alone.... looking out the window..and thought to myself... would she stop crying if I smashed her into the floor ??? and then I pictured myself doing it! I called a nurse and told her what I was about to do...she said bundle her up and come right down to the ER.. so I did...thank gawd! they took her away and let me lay down and sleep... I could hear her cry so I shut the door... I was slipping away. the doctor came in to see me and he asked me allot of questions.... and let me know I had postpartum psychosis and also to let me know what the laws in Ontario were.... meaning I would have to be 'placed' and Kaydee would have to be cared for by Gilles and caregivers when he was at work... even though in my mind I didn't want her and really didn't want anything to do with her I said to the doctor...I need a phone and I need to call New Brunswick right away! ...I called my mother and I was on the next flight home... Gilles had to fly with us because I couldn't be alone with Kaydee. Three months later her arm was better and getting very strong... soon after she had full movement and strength. The road was long and at many times very scary....but a year later I was much better ...off all my meds...and falling more in love with my angel every second of everyday!